Mirrors and Smoke

The Future

2006-10-02T20:17:00.000+10:00

Ah yes. The ever omnipresent threat of the future. We are what we do, and what we do, we do for the future. In a sense we define the future, yet also the future defines us. Simply, we change what happens yet what happens changes us.

How far does one look into the future? I'm sure most of us claim in any small measure, concious or unconcious of our crystal ball gazing ability. We have to. Well, most of us.

But, like always, I've done it to death. How many of us are guilty of that? How far does one look into the future?

You wish to achieve a goal, in the beginning...and you attach conditions to the end-point. All of a sudden, you realize you can't reach the end-point as quickly as possible, you can't go from A to B, *bam* just like that because of these end-point conditions. You've had to restructure your approach, to prepare to incorporate these conditions. You've looked into that crystal ball again.

I've found that these conditions can and have changed the end-point. Subtly altering it day by day that in the end your goal has changed significantly. Evolution of a plan. In the end, you might not have what you wanted to end up with.

I envy those who live day by day. Who don't look to the future but take it as it comes. But it has its shortfalls, just as looking too far ahead does.

So.

How far does one look into the future?

Love

2006-01-06T08:52:00.000+11:00

Love needs four things: affection, patience, devotion and communication...

Affection - a relationship is just a friendship until there is a greater level of affection for one person to another. I'm sure that most people enjoy affection as a number one priority, in their relationships particularly in their more intimate ones. Affection gives meaning to the relationship I would suppose, bringing two people closer as they share moments of happiness in each other's company.

Patience - nothing lasts without patience. Time erodes all things, so only patience can hold on to precious relationships, keeping that special feeling of love and being loved within a person's mind. Patience is also vital to keeping a relationship smooth. Patience being a quality that includes the necessity of being able to give and take in a relationship and tolerance. I wished I had more patience, but it's something one learns with time...

Devotion / Dedication - I don't believe in a casual kind of love. Every relationship requires a great investment of time and effort before it begins to take a greater hold. Devotion is then a critical element in love. Without devotion, the spark is only that, it never progresses into a blaze. Without devotion, the race is ended before it begins. So, my advice to you, dear reader, if you don't intend to stay in a relationship, don't bother beginning.

Communication - my folly I reckon, or was it my stubborness? Communicate. Nothing else is as important. A thousand years of foundation can be shattered by a year of lack of communication. Without communication... pain, anger, disgust... none of them surface until it's too late. And when it's too late is traditionally when communication begins. Unfortunately.

Love. Gotta love it even when you hate it.

God

2005-12-13T00:02:00.000+11:00

Is he? I believe in God. Whether he is a traditional perception of God or otherwise, I still haven't figured it out. But I suppose that is how it's meant to be. God is not meant to be figured out.

Perhaps God is an intense collection of our emotions, our prayers towards Him. In a sense, our presence creates a need for Him. An interdependent cycle?

At any rate, I believe that God certainly is there for us. He presents me with a place of solace, and sometimes, I don't believe I'm doing His calling justice, something I don't quite understand yet, but another thing that comes with time.

Whatever our thoughts are on God, I'm sure it is in some way true.

Conciousness touchdown

2005-06-15T21:32:00.000+10:00

There's something I've come to recognize about myself, something I find extremely disturbing and unsettling.

I am a Liar.

I'm sure most of us lie sometimes, even the very best of us. But what worries me is that I seem to notice that I lie about the most normal things. I don't lie to get out of trouble, I rarely get into trouble as it is. Yet I seem to turn and twist my way out of personal questions, always posing answers that are not truthful, and always trying to pose a question back without answering. It almost seems that I don't know myself well enough to give the answer I feel is true. Why is that? I feel like I never ever tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth when it comes to me. That has become a problem. Friends of six years still don't know me, I've never actually bonded with anyone, never made any friends who understand my emotions - not the emotions that I want people to see, but the underlying emotions. It is scary.

Anyway, I wonder whether everyone else is the same. Not that it really matters but this is starting to bug the hell out of me. And yet I cannot let go as much as I try. I find telling people about myself and my feelings - very exposing. I don't know. What I do know is that I probably don't want to reveal these feelings because I am worried someone might exploit them as I have so often seen.

Anyway, just my mind rambling again, I'm sure of it.

Power

2005-03-20T17:30:00.000+11:00

Many of us seek control and power in various aspects of our life. Winning an argument, defeating an opponent, and achieving a success are some of the simpler examples of this manifested desire. What many of us don't recognize is that many more situations in our lives revolve around our need for power. Knowledge that you have your significant other's love is one of those easily overlooked. Knowledge and confidence in an ability unique to oneself is another. But I'm not going to delve into that.

Power is a two-edged sword. It is like fire. Within a certain limitation, it is a useful tool to achieving an end. Beyond that limitation however, power becomes a spiral of death. Death, not of the corporeal, but death of the soul. Power is a drug of lust beyond the limitation. It begins to consume everything you were made off, everything you are, and everything you could be. It becomes a domineering force in your life. Eventually, at the pinnacle of power, or rather, the pinnacle of lust for power, the spiral becomes a vacuum. It sucks you dry, and leaves you an empty husk filled with only a driving lust that can never be satiated. Because, at the pinnacle of power, there is nothing beyond except power infinite. The endless cycle, the self-devouring snake.

I suppose the limitation varies for each person. A person can be left unscathed by power if he/she can grasp and understand the finite control they have over power. The moment the person forgets his place, forgets the mortality of his power, the boundary has been crossed.

Greed: What drives us

2005-03-18T22:31:00.000+11:00

No man is exempt from greed. Being bereft of greed is simply unnatural. That is not to say greed is a thing we should accept without struggle. We cannot eradicate, yet we should not just accept. The question is how we play this fine balancing act. There are two kinds of greed derived from the single emotion: the first being the greed that motivates us to turn profit unto ourselves at whatever cost both to ourselves (in the sense of sacrificing:innocence, honour, etc.) and to others, the second being the greed that drives us to better ourselves with consideration of limitations. It is without need to explain that the latter is the favoured, at first glance.

We define the greed of improving ourselves as objectively good because it causes us to expand our horizons, our knowledge, and our skills. We understand that this manner of greed helps people to strive to better goals, to better lives. We cannot fault this greed and when compared with the other sense of greed, we find ourselves naturally agreeing very much with this greed and viewing the other with scorn. I point out: This is not the simple case of black and white.

Greed is good. Greed of the first nature is good. Why do I believe so? Greed empowers us with DESIRE. (Although we should note that desire stems not solely from greed.) Without desire, we have no reason to live. We are all greedy in the best sense, at the very least. We hunger for attention, we hunger for care, we desire respect, and probably most importantly we all yearn to be loved. Greed of this nature derives itself from the human natural psyche - the perpetual socialist. We cannot live without this greed. To do so would be to let go of humanity, ever the slightest bit. The only thing we need to learn how to do, is this: As many psychologists have already taught how one can channel anger into positivity, we should do the same with the first instance of greed. It is though, slightly more complex. We need to know how to play our greed, feed it and fuel it without letting it blaze out of control. The key part of doing this is control. Control how people see your greed (and they must see it - but as a fine appreciation of attention and care- or any manner subtle), and your greed will be fulfilling. It is not easy though, to say the least.

As for me, I desire power. Which I shall run down soon.

Mirrors and Smoke: The Blog

2005-03-17T22:06:00.000+11:00

A blog is designed as an online diary, a place for one to lay down what experience, incidence and thoughts held. It is, frankly speaking, a window into a person's soul. An excellent place to start identifying and learning about a person. Probably the greatest reason blogs survive and expand is that people can identify with the experiences and emotions of others, and hence an attractive understanding results. Among people I know, I find that blogs are becoming a means to convey to the world (which compromises of their friends, future acquantainces and family, as I refer to it) the what and why's they face. It's an interesting concept, a greater transparency with a sense of security.

That brings me to the reason for Mirrors and Smoke. Creating Mirrors and Smoke is certainly an untried chapter in the history of one of my greatest efforts: attempting to understand myself. I hope Mirrors and Smoke will help me in achieving this; understanding myself to a greater degree; and perhaps shed light on the molding of my character and the greatest influences. Let history unfold...and tomorrow write itself.

Mirrors and Smoke

2005-03-15T00:15:00.000+11:00

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